I had some insight in regard to giving gifts.
But I realized that some things are better just kept to oneself.

I had an image that popped in my head.
But sometimes those things are only funny to oneself.

I saw a clue that invoked story memories.
But a story shows itself to it's audience with expectations prejudice.

I had a feeling that overwhelmed my heart.
But it requires insightful response when found on the face.

Then some days, someone says.. "what's really in your head?"
..and in such moments, those thoughts can finally leak out.

I got a letter...
I was surprised to find it in my mailbox on Sunday, I don't ordinarily check the mailbox on Sunday for obvious reasons (no delivery)... and I had already gotten my mail from Saturday, so what compelled me to check on Sunday is beyond comprehension.

All week I'd been listening to a message from some lady on my machine saying that her aunt had recieved a letter addressed to me. She said that she had brought it by when I was not home, and to please call her. I would have, had I known the intrensic value of the letter.

but I found it in my mailbox.. sealed, broken, and resealed. It travelled many miles to find me, and did so in a most peculiar way.

Having found it I was elated. I can't describe it, but it was new. I sat at my porch and I read it, and the words, the handwriting.. it all moved me again in that very same way.

..You're words move me again, Rach..
thank you.

I tend to spend alot of time gathering worries.. without even knowing it.
Until I take some time away from them.

Closing my eyes..
Clearing my eyes of thought.

...
losing focus.
letting myself breathe... no rush.
...
...
feel that?
that's a taste of peace.
can't feast on it, just a nibble..
..such powerful stuff.

I just read some of Katie's newest Blogs last night, and got a huge kick out of her "Thank you. The adhesive is really yummy." post.

Katie's an experienced blogger.. I'm a rookie.
Katie's cool.

She's quite unlike a guy I used to know.. Chris Lamer.
I'm glad I'm not a Lamer.

I'm posting again..
writing, to myself.. to everyone.. to no one.

Rach is online right now. I really want to talk with her, as I always do.

In case you haven't already heard from posts I am sure to make in the future, Rach is my mate from Australia.. I say mate, partially because she lives in Australia. I also say that because, to me, she's more than a friend, and far to distant to be much more than my very favorite mate.
Rach is an amazing young woman, but you're sure to hear more than your fair share of that talk in future posts..

No.. a another matter is plaguing me tonight.

I fear my fear. If you know me you may follow. I'm not terribly afraid of a great many things. Nor are those few things I do fear, greatly debilitating. from time to time, however, it seems that the smallest of fears seem to make a sharper impact in day to day events.
Mind you, I am altogether fearless when I am funny... when I am the center of attention and making everyone happy and jovial. In those times I am invincible, in all things.. not even the most beautiful woman can have the slightest influence on my power.

When I am funny I am the king.

Take that away from me, however, and I am weak.
Serious is my cryptonite, and solemn makes my shell paper thin.

Why do I share this if it is such a great weakness?
..because it may also be my great strength.

Yea. I don't entirely get it either.. and I just wrote it.

*first post*
My schedule's jacked.

I woke up in the afternoon again today, I don't know why I've become such a night owl. Up till 5, sleep till noon.. it's not all bad, just wierd.

I went to a rookie hockey game tonight with Patti, a friend of mine that started the wichitasignclub that I voluntarily build the web site for (and attend/help coordinate). She has a friend that plays in the team that we watched, but we totally talked all through the game and didn't really watch him much.

Patti and I always talk alot, it just easy to talk with her about anything.

Following the game, she introduced me to her hockey playing friend as the guy who does her web site. I said "so I'm your website bitch?" as we were leaving. She responded by giving me a different title.. but I prefer the original title, it's funnier.

After that we went to check out where the Deaf and Hard of Hearing Day camp volunteer meeting will be held. I'm really excited about that.. two things I really dig, kids and a chance to sign. Then we went to check out Patti's dream home... I shattered her dreams when I told her it was SOLD. After that I suggested we check out roller blades, 'cause I may get some before the next wichitasign meeting in the sedwick county park. Apparently it's going to be right by the roller hockey slab. When we got there, I just tried on some stuff and we left. I rarely ever buy on impulse, so we walked out empty handed. I'll probably go back and get the ones I was looking at later if I get the urge again.

While we were in the store, however, Patti got a call from a friend. Just then, my brain stopped working and said "YOU NEED FOOD".. so I went on autopilot and headed for the door (another reason I didn't buy any skates). Patti was still on the phone. From the back of the store to the car, to the street, to Wendy's, and until I sat down to eat. Ordinarily it would have bugged the hell out of me. But Thanks again to Sign Language, I was able to communicate with her uninterrupted. we really should have been signing the whole time, but I was pleased to get some signing in. We talk too fast, about too much, to sign 100% right now.. down the road, I'm looking forward to being able to speak well enough and fast enough to strictly sign with Patti. At that point I should be pretty good. That's a goal anyway. I know that she could sign well enough right now to be able to do that, but I've got a ways to go. After Wendy's it was getting late, so I bailed and headed back to the core.

I should probably get some sleep, but I'm probably going to chat it up with Rach again before long. I really dig chatting it up with her. Dunno why I dig her so much, but I do.